Days eclipse into nights,
Words flow from the depth of emotions, but
Eyes are numb, heartbeats’ low.
Yet the shrivelled up corners of my mouth find salvation in yours;
The inadequacy of my heart, sheltered by yours.
Words fall short to express
The warm melody of sunshine, you bring,
Drench me with affections unfathomable.
And if i, dare I, try
To be periphrastic, with roundabout words and phrases of warmth, trust, longing, and desire-
It is only because there is nothing but words,
To cast us into infinity, forever.
Like a caged bird, we’re waiting
Waiting for that one change to happen which will
Bring adventure to our souls and soothe our minds.
But, meanwhile we’ll trust each other
With the darkness which is overcasting our halos;
We’ll try and pretend to mend the broken strings of thoughts and words, left askew between us;
Oh what magnificence, dare I behold,
Are you stepping away from your throne?
But you decided to paint stars on my body,
Fill my eyes with affection, and heart with lust;
Frivolity and flamboyance, your most distinguished traits.
But those days are gone now,
We’ve looked deep into each other’s shadows, found the source of light within each other too-
So can we now truly trust each other;
Share each other’s halos to overcast the dark clouds over us?
Or are you waiting,
To strike back,
A masterstroke- and back to your throne?
It’s so cold right here,
The orange sky outside;
Draping the sky in it’s
I’m so cold, right now,
Eyelids drooping –
Alive for the last drop of coffee,
But it’s gone cold.
Icy breeze outside,
In a world where my mind lies;
At the sea, or the mountains, maybe.
But right here, inside this blanket of undisturbed dust
I stay right here-
Cold, and numb, and frozen, and alive.
The warmth I crave, is of your voice,
The one I heard the other day,
It’s so far away.
My mind is away now;
So far away-
At the sea, or the mountains maybe.
I’m still cold,
Heart’s all shrivelled up,
Skin saggy and icy,
White patches on my elbows,
And a permanent patch of absurd memories;
The ones of you, maybe of the summertimes?
This sadness is creeping into my bones.
Oh dear, I grow colder by the minute;
The orange is gone now,
Replaced by a blanket of blue
With twinkling stars.
If I stare hard enough,
Would I find you?
If I stay quiet enough,
Would the cosmos play the melody of your voice?
If I stay alive now,
Would you come and take this endless cold away?
I’m diseased. I’m toxic.
I’m unhealthy. I’m destructive.
The farther you go away from me, the better you will be.
All that light inside your soul, you’ll find it back once once you step away from my grace; and yes, please do. I beg of you.
No, I’m not angry with you, why should I be? You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted and more. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll let you destruct yourself by slowly and steadily draining away your power source, your happiness, your joy, you smiles, your laughter.
I’m a dead cell, the ones used for experimenting purposes, for teaching purposes. However, these cells never live again, they shall never work again, no power is left in them.
And that’s what I am. The shadow of person I used to be. In a short span I realized that ever since childhood I’ve been conditioned to observe than to react, but somewhere on the road that soon transcended to numbness. I feel so deep but I feel so less. Hurt is forever heaving over my chest.
For a moment I thought I became normal. A normal sixteen year old. The ones who smile a lot, whine a lot, feel a lot, love a lot.
But I’m not. All my life the greatest struggle I’ve ever encountered was having being becoming normal. Normalize absurdity. Normalize insanity. Normalize thoughts. Normalize emotions. Normalize your own goddamn soul.
I think I’m very close to give up now. Give up Once and for all.
To the ones that matter, you know I have loved you with all of my heart and soul, flesh and bones. But this pain will swallow me whole. I thought poetry will make it easy. I thought you will make it easy. And yes, you were so close. Just so very close. But I was not cut out to stay. I never was.
Referring to the first few opening lines of this letter, yes, please- I beg of you, get away from me. Get away from before I bring you down along with me. I’ve given all my love to the ones I wanted to, and even though I have more love to to give you all still, the time isn’t right.
I want to go. And I want to leave you with my best memories.
Set me free from this incessant pain.
I stand with beauty;
Strong and stubborn and unrelenting beauty.
The ones that make you hum with pleasure,
Have you sigh with the softness of its nature,
Have you wonder where it had been before.
Beauty is lost today,
Chased away in the hopes of attaining perfection.
The evasive colours of our everyday sky,
It looks the same to the high-strung mind.
Conditioned, we are, with rage and cruelty;
Love seeks remorse in this life we lead.
To feel, is a mighty great deal.
Because beauty is art, and art is more than words, or colours across our coveted canvases.
It is you, and I,
Together, as us,
And the universe, between us, enveloping us into
The swirling tunnel of unfathomable beauty;
One, that blinds you with love.
One, that fills you up with love.
Time is frivolous.
Once upon a summertime, happiness overwhelmed my bones,
I chased you and your petty love.
Time is deceiving.
Once upon a winter’s wishing well,
Passion filled up my soul,
In my veins flew the warmth of your touch,
My mouth craved for the lust in your tongue.
Time is infinite.
I chased your shadows,
Just as I had chased your light;
The growing numbness always exceeded the love in my chest.
But you were so evasive, someone only found in the stars;
I kissed your cuts, I made love to your sharp edges,
But your perfection eluded me.
Nostalgia is a foul friend,
Things were not better, as we think.
Red and gold, blood and flames,
You and I were almost fine;
With him, I’m complete.