A Letter For You.

I’m diseased. I’m toxic.
I’m unhealthy. I’m destructive.
The farther you go away from me, the better you will be.
All that light inside your soul, you’ll find it back once once you step away from my grace; and yes, please do. I beg of you.
No, I’m not angry with you, why should I be? You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted and more. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll let you destruct yourself by slowly and steadily draining away your power source, your happiness, your joy, you smiles, your laughter.
I’m a dead cell, the ones used for experimenting purposes, for teaching purposes. However, these cells never live again, they shall never work again, no power is left in them.
And that’s what I am. The shadow of person I used to be. In a short span I realized that ever since childhood I’ve been conditioned to observe than to react, but somewhere on the road that soon transcended to numbness. I feel so deep but I feel so less. Hurt is forever heaving over my chest.
For a moment I thought I became normal. A normal sixteen year old. The ones who smile a lot, whine a lot, feel a lot, love a lot.
But I’m not. All my life the greatest struggle I’ve ever encountered was having being becoming normal. Normalize absurdity. Normalize insanity. Normalize thoughts. Normalize emotions. Normalize your own goddamn soul.
I think I’m very close to give up now. Give up Once and for all.
To the ones that matter, you know I have loved you with all of my heart and soul, flesh and bones. But this pain will swallow me whole. I thought poetry will make it easy. I thought you will make it easy. And yes, you were so close. Just so very close. But I was not cut out to stay. I never was.
Referring to the first few opening lines of this letter, yes, please- I beg of you, get away from me. Get away from before I bring you down along with me. I’ve given all my love to the ones I wanted to, and even though I have more love to to give you all still, the time isn’t right.
I want to go. And I want to leave you with my best memories.
Set me free from this incessant pain.

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